Sex and the (Slightly) Older Woman: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

(editrix: This post is not for the faint-hearted…but this column rarely is.)

Is the frustrating delay between couplings all about body hair?  Could it be that simple?  Have our circadian rhythms hard-wired us to delay pleasure

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 to allow for appropriate grooming?  Is it survival of the tidiest? Are we being weeded out for insufficient weed-wacking? Those of you who enjoy this column vicariously probably don’t think much about excess curls, but trust me; those of us who are escalating our amorous labors are intensely concerned about this.

 

In my humble opinion, the Slightly Older Single woman should not attempt to replicate the shorn countenance of the nubile, but terrifying, females populating pornography sites. Every veil we lurk behind will help.  Nor do I think the stark and geometric look popular twenty years ago is currently a la mode.  The whole idea of vajazzeling (To give the female genitals a sparkly makeover with crystals so as to enhance their appearance) the vajay-jay confuses me, and would no doubt confuse the slightly older male. Besides someone could get hurt. Those crystals are sharp. But a five o’clock shadow is a definite turn off for all participants, so some level of regular maintenance is required.

 

By definition, hair grows.  And you can’t be at the Brazilian waxing salon daily.  Nor do the at-home methods work without something significant to remove. So sure, for the planned date, it’s all good. If you can wrangle several consecutive dates, you’re ok too. But if you get together on a Saturday, and he waits two weeks to call back, there is a problem.  And not a pretty one. 

 

And this problem is not specific to the ladies.  Manscaping has entered the lexicon of the single man. This grooming follows a sluggish movement to groom the nose, ears and face. The single man may choose to address the chest, the back, even his own bottom. The standards have changed; women have become more vocal and direct in their demands. And while I have been told “no self respecting male” would manicure his personal forest, I have seen first hand evidence of some surreptitious hedge trimming. And been thankful.

 

So perhaps the once a month call is an ingrained response to the first cardinal rule of grooming. Wax, depilitate or shave, engage, re-grow, repeat. And if I can blame some primordial cycle rather than personal flaws, I will be a much happier lady.